Update: Change- Good, Bad or Indifferent

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Hello Readers! Happy Tuesday! 3 days till Halloween & Day of the Dead exited? I sure am even though this will be a pretty low-key one for me I love this time of year!

This blog is about change. I have been feeling the effects of change all around me but there has been a lack of change in my own life. Just this past summer my sister’s step daughter (my niece) recently cut all her hair off and then in August moved to ATL to start her new life. One of my friends recently moved to Iowa for a few months to start his new life and gain some experience and has moved back home. And another friend bought her self a new car over the summer and has quiet her 4 year job for a new venue. My friend/sister I just visited in Arizona just cut her hair really short and is doing AmeriCorps FEMACorps as a team leader in Mississippi in February. Even my former co-worker/sister who I work with in Ecohermamas just moved her whole family to Colombia (where her family is from and parents now live) for six months to live, experience culture and work on an agro-ecology farm.

Change is just happing all around me in life but, for some reason I just have been staying the same. The biggest change I have made in my 23 (my birthday was two weeks ago) year old life was joining AmeriCorps 4 years ago. After words I came home and then I had, some will say a not so stable job for 3 years. Now I felt like after AmeriCorps I had so much push and drive to go out and just see where life takes me. Now I am the opposite. After leaving my job and what I can say were a very stressful three years my energy was very drained and made so that I didn’t really want to do anything else.

Now I am taking a couple of class at NOVA (community college) just to pass the time trying to find a job and helping my parents down size until my sister can find a place for my parents to retire. But I feel like I am in this rut. I’ve kind of been in this rut for about 2 years now not exactly knowing where I’m going, were I’m going to live, what I’m going to do. Now you would say I’ve got it kind of nice still living at home, no bills, no rent nothing. And yes of course that part is pretty nice not gonna lie. But still I will be 25 in 2 years and I just feel like it’s time for me to figure it out. Now I do have some friends who still haven’t figured it out and there pretty old. So maybe I still have time?

Maybe this whole talk about moving out my house (that I’ve lived in since I was 1 and was born in the house down the street) and neighborhood for good and then having to become a real adult and start that life scares me. Now of course I’ve lived away from home before but in AmeriCorps there was 11 other people to help me along the way. Not saying that I couldn’t make it I mean I do have confidence in myself no doubt but still it’s a little scary to have to go out and be an adult. I of course know it has to happen sooner or later but still.

I think I’m going through my quarter-life crisis a little early. At 23 I am feeling it and it sucks big time! I am a very happy-go-lucky kind of girl and I don’t really show it much but ya’ll I’m depressed  I have been since I was a kid but I’m just really good at hiding it. Must be that hippie thing. But really during and after I left my job I was feeling it hard. Now I just kind of feel lost in ways. After watching my siblings go through it throughout their lives I am watching them now actually very happy. It’s wonderful to see and I’m glad. Of course though I know one day I will get to this stage in my life but right now while I’m going through this stage I feel blah.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/jessicamisener/10-signs-youre-having-your-quarter-life-crisis

I was watching this interview Oprah did with the creator of Whole Foods and he says he was not a college person that it just wasn’t for him so he (and mind you he grew up in the 70s) decided to quit school and go join a hippie commune and grow his hair out. By living there and the fact that they were big into the healthy, natural food thing it gave him a lot of inspiration to creating Whole Foods. This was very inspiring to a person like me who is kind of in this blah mode

Maybe I’ll go join the circus or not clowns scare me lol or maybe I’ll go live in the woods and do the backwoods living thing (or by the water) I hear its very therapeutic living in nature and by water maybe even start an all-girl reggae band where we play sweet toons and work on a farm with underprivileged kids part time. So many ideas…

Anyway I feel as though I just gotta get it together and rock this world. Let the force do what it must with me and show me the way! Cause baby I need HELP!

I will say this song and band is def helping me get through it though lol ps there from VA which is dope!

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Update: To the nobody who has read this (which is fine since I kind of wrote out of therapy more then for someone to read), it’s judgement day. In two weeks I am leaving my once cozy home (yea right) and moving in with my sister (sisters for a while). It will be one big happy family oh joy! 😒 I have 6 months to get my act together and figure out what I wanna do with my life. It has come down to the wire and everyone is up my butt about what I’m going to do with my life. Idk I’m 23 you act like all 23 year old have their shit together. Really?! Especially today when the job market is shitty! Anyway I gotta figure this life out. But what really think is bugging me is the fact that my siblings have lived at home so many times to the point you get wipe blast before they got it together. But I always get the “you’ll be just like your Uncle Donny” who is the family black sheep in a way where he had a great life but through it all away and ended up living with his father for 50 years till he died and he end up with no life. I refuse to be like that! It hurts me that they see me that way just because I have had a rough patch. Like none of them have had rough patches in their life. That doesn’t mean I’m out for the count. I promise you I am going to get back on my feet and prove all of you wrong! But I just plan to keep my distance from everybody and stay to myself away from all this annoying ridiculousness.

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